Baby it’s COLD outside


I was walking the dog tonight and thought to myself, “Baby, it’s COLD outside.” Sixteen degrees and getting colder. It wasn’t Chosin cold – by a long shot – but maybe Battle of the Bulge cold. Then I thought of all the troops stationed in Afghanistan right now, and when I got home looked up the temperature in Kabul – 39 degrees, dropping to 24 at night. Pretty chilly for our men and women on the front lines.

Military personnel have suffered cold temperatures in conflicts dating back to Valley Forge, so I figured there must be some pretty colorful descriptions of cold by now and did some searching on the internet.

Setting aside the well-diggers, witches and brass monkeys, here are some ways the troops in Afghanistan could describe the weather.

It is…

Colder than a toilet seat in an igloo.
Colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss.
Colder than a penguin in a refrigerator on Baffin Island [in]January.
Colder than a banker’s heart.
Colder than a polar bear’s toenails.

These are the only ones I could print. The rest were a little more “colorful.”

Then I found this:


These lunatics jumped into Lucky Peak Reservoir in Idaho for the annual “Polar Bear Challenge,” a fund raiser for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The temperature was described as, “somewhere around zero,” with a wind chill around ten below. And they were wearing swimsuits.

That’s colder than a mother-in-law banker kissing a penguin’s toenails in an igloo’s refrigerator.

On Baffin Island.

In January.


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