Tomorrow is the Navy’s 235th birthday. It is the perfect time to celebrate the accomplishments of our venerable service.
We often do this at Navy Balls.
Navy Balls are great because we get a chance to get dressed up and revel in being a part of a great naval force that has kept the sea lanes open and the country safe throughout the history of the nation.
But there are pitfalls to avoid.
Do not throw dinner rolls. It is rude and obnoxious. Unless you have a clear shot, in which case it may be difficult to resist.
Eat dark colored food, since you will be wearing your blues. If you must eat light colored food, try to spill it only on your white shirt, preferably in a location where you can cover it with a tie.
Don’t tell jokes at the dinner table. And if you do, don’t tell the one about the Admiral on liberty. (Especially relevant if the Admiral is sitting at your table.)
There is just no way to be glamorous while doing jello shots.
If they parade the beef, don’t shout, “That’s my DATE!” (This applies to men and women.)
If someone offers to buy your table a round of “Mudslides,” it is OK to accept, but only have one. They taste great, but pack a powerful punch. Two tops. Maybe three. But that’s it.
Do not dance unless you have had formal training. And if you do, stick with ballroom dancing, avoiding any of these moves unless you can actually do them (which I doubt), and only after your boss has left for the evening.
Toasts should be limited to military themes. (Sergeant Pepper is not a military theme. Neither is Major Tom.)
No matter how badly the evening’s events proceed, do not complain out loud. Unless, of course, you really want to be next year’s Navy Ball coordinator.
But odds are the evening will be a great success and you’ll leave with a ton of great memories.
Unless you had that fourth Mudslide, in which case you won’t remember much of anything.
Happy birthday, Navy!