I’m a country and western fan. When I retired out of the military, my walk-off-the-stage song was, “Mud on the Tires” by Brad Paisley. Nothing gets the emotions going better than a good country song.
Go ahead. Judge me. But even if you are a Lady Gaga fan you have to admit country music has some pretty cool song titles. “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life” (by Bobby Bare) is one that kind of jumps out at you. So does I’m “Much Too Young to be Feeling This Damn Old” (by Garth Brooks).
If I were a country song writer, I would write a song called, “I’m Too Lazy to be This Dang Busy.” And it would be good because it would be from the heart.
Because deep down inside I am a lazy, lazy man. I am happy doing nothing. Sitting in a rocking chair on the porch with nothing to do is about as close to nirvana as you can get, if you ask me.
The Navy forced me to suppress my laziness. There were rules that prevented me from sleeping in late. Rules that told me where I needed to be, and when I needed to be there. Rules that forbade us from taking nooners.
So when I retired and entered the less structured world of cartooning, I was ready to embrace the laziness within. I was ready to nurture it, to watch it flourish and develop into a butterfly of idleness. But over the years – and much to my dismay – the pace of life didn’t slow at all. Rather, it actually picked up. To my horror, I found myself engaged in more and more activities and projects, and each year it just got worse. Now, a few years after stepping out of the uniform, I’m as busy as I was when I was on active duty.
That wasn’t supposed to happen.
Someone once said that retirement is having nothing to do and not enough time to do it. I don’t know who said that, but he was wise. And I’ll bet he was lazy too. Lazy men understand the agony of longing for – but never reaching – the heady heights of sluggardness because there is too much stuff to get done.
I would write a song about all this, except I don’t have any musical talent. And even if I did, I don’t have the time. And even if I could rearrange my schedule, I’m too lazy to do anything about it.
Maybe Brad Paisley can do something with it.