Head Shots



There are two reasons I am not a Hollywood movie star.

1. I can’t act.
2. I can’t get a good head shot.

Acting aside, how hard can it be to get a good head shot? Sure, you can go down to one of those fancy studios with all their fancy lights and cameras, but who needs all that with digital cameras being so cheap easy to use? Besides, the head shot I was asked to provide was for a bunch of cartoonists (none of whom are actors either, except one – a buddy of mine who had a part in a vampire movie – I think he played a zombie), so it’s a pretty good bet they would be satisfied with just about anything that was in focus.

In the military, everyone takes the same shot: you sit in your dress blues with a flag behind you, and there is one pose. Easy.

In the civilian world you’re supposed to be “artsy.” (Translation: you tilt your head at weird angles.)

I asked my wife to take the pictures because she is free really good with a camera. She shot picture after picture – me in a chair, me in the yard, me acting serious, me smiling like a goof ball.

The result was a collection of images that were … let’s just say you wouldn’t find them hanging next to Cher on the wall of an upscale Hollywood restaurant. We browsed through the pictures with the same horrible fascination that lookie-loos experience when driving by a ten car pile up. My face is twisted in agonizing expressions, and it appears I’m suffering from intestinal discomfort. The “smile” scenes looked like something out of an old western movie – my teeth are clenched as if I’m biting on a strap of leather while Doc pulls a bullet out of my arm.

In the end, we agreed that my best side is the one behind the camera. Hollywood is full of beautiful people with whom the camera falls in love, and I’m not destined to be one of them. And I’m OK with that.

Besides, there’s always radio.


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