Fast talkers


I was listening to a car ad the other day, and I swear half the spot was taken up by some lady speaking so fast you couldn’t understand a word of what she said. It was a disclaimer of some sort – the verbal equivalent of small print. It went something like this:



(Translation: This offer only applies to one car being sold in Costa Rica and doesn’t apply to cars actually for sale in the United States. And if you try to tie us down we’ll point to our disclaimer and deny the make and model ever existed.)

Now I don’t know about you, but plopping down $20,000 or more of my own money tends to make me a little nervous, and it doesn’t make me any more calm when I hear the fast talker.

Imagine if recruiters used this technique.

“Cool uniforms! Travel! Blow things up! Get college paid for!

The MEPS stations would be ghost towns.

Straight up, the guys and gals being recruited know what they’re signing up for – no fine print needed, thank goodness.

As the Baby Boomers age, I have noticed that the pharmaceutical companies are starting to use the fast talkers too, or worse, they have the actors talk as if they are having a normal conversation.

“Bob, you look GREAT!”

“It’s this new drug, ‘Fountain of Youth’, Jim. Taking this drug may cause drowsiness, nausea, heart attack, liver failure, or death. Studies have shown that your eyes will cross, your nose may fall off and your skin might be absorbed into your bone marrow. Check with your doctor.”

“Thanks, Bob! I’m going to start taking it right away!”

Nah, I’ll stick with recruiters. At least I know what I’m getting. And by the way, if you ever find yourself trying to sell me a car, PLEASE… speak slowly.


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