Real Chiefs

Got this from Brad Jones of the mighty FORRESTAL Association:

The CHIEF:

The CHIEF doesn’t sleep with a night light. The CHIEF isn’t afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the CHIEF.

The CHIEF’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.

The CHIEF has counted to infinity . . . Twice!

The CHIEF frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.

Superman owns a pair of CHIEF pajamas.

The CHIEF has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself.

If the CHIEF is late, then time had damn well better slow down.

The CHIEF has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a Joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a Monopoly Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO card.

The CHIEF once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took back his soul. The devil (who appreciates irony), couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the CHIEF was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” The CHIEF received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

The CHIEF actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

The CHIEF refers to himself in the fourth person.

The CHIEF can divide by zero.

If the CHIEF ever calls your house, be in!

The CHIEF doesn’t leave messages; he leaves warnings.

The CHIEF can slam a revolving door.

The CHIEF was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the CHIEF.

When the CHIEF exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Bullets dodge the CHIEF.

The CHIEF once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink . . . Once.

The first lunar eclipse took place after the CHIEF challenged the sun to a staring contest. The sun blinked first.

The CHIEF never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.

REAL CHIEFS:

REAL CHIEFS Think Ensigns should be seen and not heard, and never, ever be allowed to read books on leadership.

REAL CHIEFS Don’t have any civilian clothes.

REAL CHIEFS Have CPO Association Cards from their last 5 commands.

REAL CHIEFS Don’t remember any time they weren’t Chiefs.

REAL CHIEFS Propose like this “There will be a wedding at 1000 hours on 29 October, be there in whites with your gear packed because you will be a prime participant.”

REAL CHIEFS Favorite national holiday is CPO Initiation.

REAL CHIEFS Keeps four sets of dress khaki uniforms in the closet in hopes they will come back.

REAL CHIEFS Favorite food is shipboard SOS for breakfast.

REAL CHIEFS Don’t know how to tell civilian time.

REAL CHIEFS Call each other “Chief.”

REAL CHIEFS Dream in Navy Blue, White, Haze Gray and occasionally khaki.

REAL CHIEFS Have served on ships that are now war memorials or tourist attractions.

REAL CHIEFS Get tears in their eyes when the “Chief” dies in the movie ” Operation Pacific.”

REAL CHIEFS Don’t like Certified Navy Twill. “Wash Khaki” is the ONLY thing to make a uniform out of.

REAL CHIEFS Can find their way to the CPO Club blindfolded, on 15 different Navy Bases.

REAL CHIEFS Have pictures of ships in their wallets.

REAL CHIEFS Don’t own any pens that do not have “Property U.S.Govt” on them.

REAL CHIEFS Don’t voluntarily get the mandatory flu shots.

REAL CHIEFS Don’t order supplies, they swap for them.

REAL CHIEFS Favorite quote is from the movie Ben Hur, “We keep you alive to serve this ship.”

REAL CHIEFS Think excessive modesty is their only fault.

REAL CHIEFS Hate to write evaluations, except for their own.

REAL CHIEFS Turn in a 4 page brag sheet for their evaluation.

REAL CHIEFS Last ship was always better.

REAL CHIEFS Know that the black tar in their coffee cup makes the coffee taste better.

REAL CHIEFS Idea of heaven-Three good PO1’s and a Division Officer who does what he is told.

REAL CHIEFS Think John Wayne would have made a good Chief, if he had not gone soft and made Marine movies.

REAL CHIEFS Use the term “Good Training” to describe any unpleasant task…Scraping the sides of the ship is “Good Training.” Having to sleep on your seabag in the parking lot because there was no room in the barracks is “Good Training.”