Golf Offsets



Carbon offsets have been in the news lately. I’m sure the intent is noble, but I can’t help but think that they can be an excuse for overindulgence – guilt money for those who use a lot of energy and have the money to pay for someone else to compensate for their excesses.

But then it hit me. Why not embrace the concept, and why limit ourselves to carbon?

What about golf? A clever businessman could devise a plan where poor golfers can pay (and some of them have a lot of money) to compensate for their sloppy play. Think about it – it could work. Guys whose drives end up in the forest could use offsets to get them back on the fairway.

“Ouch, Joe. That drive must have gone a hundred yards to the right.”

“No problem. I paid fifty bucks in the clubhouse for a hundred yards of offset. That puts me right in the middle.”

Of course, to make this work, the bad golfer’s money would need to be used to improve some other golfer’s game.

So, for a small handling fee, the go-between would pay for lessons for an up-and-coming newbie.

See? It could work.

And while we’re on a roll, how about work days? I know – first hand – that there are a lot of people in the service who work some really, really long hours.

“Petty Officer Smith, you’re two hours late!”

“That’s cool, Chief. I got some work day offsets at the exchange. Jonesy is putting in a couple extra hours this week so it’s a wash.”

On second thought, I think there are rules against that in the military, so forget that. Unless you’re a civilian.

This could work for just about anything where you aren’t quite up to snuff (and someone else is).

If you drive too fast, someone somewhere drives too slow. (No more speeding tickets.)
If you don’t do well on tests, somebody else probably excels. (Never fail another exam.)
Not that handsome and dashing? Somebody else out there is. (This might be a tougher sell.)

The possibilities are endless. Done right, this could be the next big industry to pull us out of our economic doldrums.

The problem is, the whole scheme can get pretty complicated with all the interactions and computations and such. I hate to admit it, but I just don’t have the brains to figure it all out. Unless…

Unless there’s an offset for that.


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