We were supposed to have a system this year.

You know, detailed expense reports, alphabetized receipts, bank statements. They were supposed to be filed and cross referenced on an electronic spreadsheet. Instead, I dug it all out of the drawer.

Admit it – you have one too. A drawer or shoe box full of receipts and things that might somehow maybe kind of qualify as a deduction. “Here’s one for ice cream last summer. Didn’t we discuss investments? No? Well maybe I THOUGHT about investments between spoonfuls of hot fudge.”

Good enough.

I think the IRS should allow investments for military-specific things that don’t fit into any categories on your standard submission. Things like:

Shaved heads. Shouldn’t military guys who shave their heads get a deduction in lieu of haircut expenses?

Time spent removing the mover’s stickers from the furniture. Military personnel move a lot. If we were on hourly wage, think of the money being wasted every 18-24 months.

Home office. You can claim a certain percentage of your mortgage as a business deduction if you work out of the home. What if your home is a ship? We live and work on the ship, and we pay for the ship with our taxes. A carrier costs something like $6 billion. You do the math.

Love handles. Today’s military is computer intensive, and those things grow like breakfast biscuits from sitting in front of the screen every day. I don’t know about you, but if this were a deduction, I’d always get money back.

Emails. In the paperless Navy, it’s not uncommon to receive a hundred emails a day, and unlike civilian email, you can’t hit a SPAM button on military stuff. We should be able to claim a loss of productivity, with a bonus deduction for time spent shuffling paper that never went away.

Acronyms. Time saved by using acronyms and initials instead of actual words should be deductible. All that extra productivity should be acknowledged ASAP.

Ah, I’m just whining because I don’t have a system. But right after I get done with this year’s returns, I’m going to set one up.

I wonder if that’s deductible…


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